Saturday

4 miles yesterday. I took advantage of the cooler weather and the fact that we got a half day at work. Cooler weather meaning not around 100. It was probably around 83 or so and there was a breeze. I did one of my typical 4 mile routes. I'll admit it; I walked up some, okay all, of the hills. I know it was mental. I was telling myself that since I haven't been running much, it was okay to walk a little bit. The breeze felt good but the run still wasn't easy. I began to feel more at ease and in the zone around mile 3. And then I started thinking about the zone. It's a place that I get in my mind. I'm still listening to music and still very aware that I'm running but it's almost like my there is a disconnect between my head and my body. Some runners dislike this; they feel like you should be very aware your breathing, your stride, just running in general. I don't feel like that. I don't run to win races. I run to find a place where I can quiet my brain, quiet my stresses and just find my center.

I've been going to a therapist occassionally. Something that we talked about recently was that I don't really have goals for myself. Running races aside, I don't really have a plan for my life. Do I need one? Should I be working towards something? I feel like when I do that, I become so focused on the goal or outcome that I forget to enjoy the ride. Things are good right now and yet I still feel like I'm missing something.

This is possibly the most nonsensical post ever.