The Waiting Game

It's been going on for six or seven years now. Sean and my psuedo-dating, fuck buddy, best friend, whatever you want to call it relationship. What's changed? Why suddenly am I almost willing to move back to Maryland to see if this would work out? Maybe because I know that's not an option right now. He's in Kuwait for a year. I have a year lease anyway. I have a job, a life in Atlanta and suddenly I'm willing to risk it all for something that may or may not work out. It's a moot point anyway. He's too far away. We both agreed that one of us is just going to end up getting hurt if we try to start something that's so long distance. So now we just wait, I guess. Maybe these feelings are stronger now because I just saw him and had a great time. Or maybe they're stronger because they actually are. A part of me feels like this has been going on for so long that maybe it's meant to be. Maybe there's a reason that neither of us have really had a serious relationship in that time; that almost every time we see each other, it's like we never were apart. Maybe the love of my life is staring me in the face and I never even realized it. Or maybe not. Maybe the reason things have never progressed beyond the psuedo-dating, fuck buddy, best friend phase is because they never will. Maybe the only reason I'm willing to risk it now is because I know I can't.

And so I go on with my life. But still I wait.