It's been a while

I just haven't felt like I've had anything to write. This blog started out as a way for me to talk about my marathon training and it's somehow morphed into a blog that's mostly about my insecurities and dating life. Marathon training consumed so much time for so long that I sort of feel like there's a void in my life. I try to fill that void with other things - friends, boys, parties but none of them help. Maybe I should train for another race. Maybe I should join some sort of running group. My motivation for running has completely waned since the race. I'm lucky if I get in five miles a week. Three months ago, five miles was considered a short run. It's nice in a way, not to have a huge commitment over my head at all times but I feel lost without it. I was talking to my mother recently. She was saying that when I was a baby, I went to sleep every night at eight on the dot. She said that I did well with a schedule. She said I still do. It's true. I'm not spontaneous at all. I like to have my life planned out to the hour. I know it doesn't work like that. I know I can't do that, but I feel more comfortable when things are planned. I feel better knowing that I have to run a certain distance on a certain day than just going to the gym and doing whatever. I don't like whatever.

"Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who you are to become who you will be." - Sex and the City.