Fat
It's not in my mind. I am getting fat. I am not working out enough, I'm eating crap, I'm drinking too much, I'm just being a bum in general. I am not happy about this. It's so hard though. It's like one extreme or another. I'm either super aware and vigilant and borderline eating disordered or I'm a glutton. My boss had a party last night and instead of just having a drink or two, I had more like 8 and then I ate a shitload of food - nuts, cookies and pretzels. I have a boyfriend; it's not like I want to be thin to impress guys. I want to be thin to feel good about myself. I don't feel good when I look at pictures and my face is too round.
I need to run more. I need to eat less. Sometimes I'd rather have an eating disorder than be fat. I've been both. I am not happy either way. Ugh.
I need to run more. I need to eat less. Sometimes I'd rather have an eating disorder than be fat. I've been both. I am not happy either way. Ugh.
posted by Lee at 8:44 PM
4 Comments:
Welcome to the challenge! You'll do great. We have the same goal - 135. ahhhhhhhhhh no longer going to be a dream! (As long as i can stay away from the booze - which i doubt).
p.o.m - i just read your whole blog and i'll have to say, we have a ton in common. except that after my marathon, although i wanted a beer, i was on my couch unable to move for 2 days!
I totally get what you're saying. Whenever I go through my "glutton phases" and start to complain about my weight, my husband always tells me its just in my head (bless him) but I know its NOT! Its not even about the weight on the scale, but about how I feel.
Glad you joined p.o.m's challenge, its been motivating for me. Hang in there!
I heart food.
I heart watching everythign I eat
I heart fitting into a size smaller than what I am (no matter what size I am)
I need my butt to stop growing :)
We should set up a group of people to encourage one another, maybe posts some good recipes...snack ideas...workouts that don't feel like workouts...you know..the usual?
Thoughts?
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