Crappy ass day

I just texted C to call me when he gets off work. I want to have a conversation about "us" that's conducted entirely while we're sober. I don't think this is working. I like him a lot and I have a great time with him but I think that I want more than he does. I don't think I do, I know I do. He said that he didn't want a commited relationship. I told him from the beginning that I didn't want just a friends with benefits type of thing, but I think that's what this is turning into. I know from past experience that I cannot pretend that I don't want more when I do. I've gotten really hurt by doing that.

This sucks. I've been on the verge of tears all day. I've only known him for two months but we've spent a lot of time together and I really did think that maybe something would come out of this. Maybe not. His ex-girlfriend is coming to visit him in two weeks. Umm, yeah. I think there's still something going on even though he says they're just friends. I can't do this to myself. He treats me well when he's around me and my friends all like him but we're at the point where things need to either evolve or stop and I guess he's not too keen on advancing our relationship now and I understand his reasons for that. But I feel like I'm being lead on.

He texted me that he was still at work but he'd call me. I hate this. I hate confrontation. My voice shakes and I cry. I need to tell him what I think though. I'm not just going to be around for now.

Edited to add - Apparently one of my friends does not like him. She thinks he gives off a weird vibe. I don't know why she thought that was a good idea to tell me that in the midst of my boy-related meltdown, but I just burst into tears.