Worry wart

When I was in college, I smoked a lot of pot. I think I was somewhat happier then because my mind was so hazy. Now, sans all the smoke, my brain is a lot clearer. But maybe clearer isn't better. Because for me, a clear mind leads to thinking and while thinking in itself is great, overthinking and dwelling is not. I get thoughts into my head and can't shake them. They're usually stupid, meaningless things; so and so is mad at me, a boy doesn't like me, I did a bad job at work and other things like that. Usually my fears don't end up to be warranted at all. But I don't learn and it doesn't help me from thinking them. I think I'm a pessimist at heart. I don't necessarily think that things are always going to turn out badly but I worry that they will. I worry a lot.

Usually running helps with the anxiety. Running and lexapro. I haven't been running as much though and that's adding to my worrying. But it's not running the actual marathon that I'm worried about exactly. It's more of the little things. Will I get there on time? Will it be too hot towards the end? Will my friends show up? Will the boy show up? Why did E tell me that she wanted to go to the pasta dinner the night before and completely forget that she told me and is now telling me that the restaurant is bad? Am I expecting too much from the new boy? Okay, that last one isn't about the marathon but in my mind everything is about the marathon.