Disordered?

I finally got up the nerve to step on the scale the other day. I hadn't weighed myself since the early weeks of marathon training. I didn't for two reasons. One, I wanted to allow myself to eat if I felt hungry. I didn't want to let a number on the scale possibly effect my training and two, after a while I got scared. But since the marathon is over and my clothes are feeling tight, I realized that it was probably time to see just what that number was. And yes, it was higher. Probably a good 6-7 pounds higher. There are other factors, I'm sure. I maybe gained some muscle and I just started my period but the bottom line is that I've been eating more. And drinking more. I don't like being at this weight. I feel uncomfortable in my clothes; I feel uncomfortable in my skin. So I've been eating and drinking less. The drinking less I can handle. Hopefully that will make a difference. It's the eating less that's problematic. I don't know how to go about it without becoming all fucked up in regards to food. I'm going to bed hungry and dreaming of food. I'm trying to count calories. I don't want this to become an obsession again but at the same time, I sort of do because at least then I was skinny.

I just needed to get that out of my head. I know I'm not fat and I know I probably could use therapy for this too but I want my clothes to fucking fit again.